Adventure

What an adventurous time with Sunday scribblings till now…Here’s one more:

Don’t look down ! Don’t look down !

I say to myself….

Feels like a hundred hearts beating out of my chest

So scared to death the ever brave soul,

It screams but even  the voice has escaped this drill

I close my eyes and seal them tight

I don’t wanna see this frightful sight

As i take that dreadful leap

feels like my skin will rip

and i may vanish in that thin air

I open my eyes after a thud

Yippee i am out of this alive !

Dont wake me up yet… :(

Waking up

to a misty lazy morning

As the fog slides slowly

from its bed of leaf.

The playful sunbeam

peeps through my curtains

and splashes his golden glitter

saying ” Get up you lazy bones “

Shame-It stays with you.

For Sunday Scribblings…..

I have always been of the opinion that there’s a thin line between being shameless and having guts ( ofcourse depends on the situation )….. Don’t you think many people mistake both these terms.

I read once that there’s only one emotion that is just as powerful in recollection as it is on the spot. You know, when you remember an instance of being happy or sad, you don’t re-experience the full happiness or sadness you were feeling then, but when you remember feeling shame, you have a physical reaction and it’s just as powerful as when it was fresh. Crazy.

Eating me inside out

this feeling of shame

Seems like young guts to you

until

the wrinkles let it show

years which seemed like eons

failed to hide this feeling.

♣ Nairobi

The First Kiss that is yet to be….

Ah here’s my first kiss to Sunday scribbling…Quite an interesting prompt I must say. Something like this comes like a vivid memory back to you (Be it Good or bad ) but  it got me thinking for a while here.

That is for a simple reason that I have not kissed any guy in my 25 years of life as a girl. I know u people must be rolling your eyes thinking I am either bluffing it or you must be laughing hard saying I am totally insane or abnormal! LOL ! But I am neither. Maybe my being a conservative Indian can explain that. No doubt I am open to modern thoughts and life styles and can easily accept change about many things, but when it comes to giving myself to someone( be it even a kiss ) ….I want it to be with “My Guy” – The one and only.[ Please don't kill me for the clichéd' old fashioned statement ] .

Well of course there are drastic changes with people’s thoughts with time and people have moved on and become quite open about these things and are confident about making the right choices. But somewhere behind this mask of cosmopolitan lifestyles is this conservative Indian fighting change.

Ok I will leave the discussion on that thought and lemme think of a kiss now….

A kiss I imagine

Something that is giving

Or is it only about receiving

Something that sets free

Or is it all confining

Something that is innocent

Or is it blameful

Something that is an invitation

Or an order to surrender

Something that is savouring

Or is it endurance

Something that is pure

Or is it full of lust

Something that is sharing

Or is it all about daring

Something that offers

Or is it only demanding

What is it like?

To have a kiss……

From Hem to Haw

For All those familiar with the book “Who moved my Cheese” which talks about how  Change can be a blessing or a curse, depending on your perspective. The message of Who Moved My Cheese  is that all can come to see it as a blessing, if they understand the nature of cheese and the role it plays in their lives. This story tells us about amazing ways to deal with change and its unique insights last for a lifetime..….

Among all the characters in there,  i think most of us do resemble and identify with ‘Hem’ in some way…we all fear change or resist it and panic when we can’t. We eventually start to find reasons on why change is not good ( even if it is for the better )  just so that we can avoid it.

The more things change around us,the more we have to be aware of stuff and update our belief system in order to get along with times. Some can do this and some become ignorant ( And i don’t think  it’s bliss then…). It is for the simple reason that our lives are built around our own belief system and when someone tries to change it,we feel threatened and scared of what lay ahead. We need to accept that tings will change….they always have.

Of course change can be a wonderful thing,if we know how to adapt ourselves to it and know what role this change is going to play in our lives and what would be the consequences of accepting it. And there are many ways of coping with change depending on perspective and ways of life. But to think that change will not happen and that you can control things around is like refusing to fly with your wings wide open and choose to stay inside the cocoon.

We may feel each day to be the same with no difference in the way we do things,But you know ,day by day nothing changes…but when we look back everything is different !! Things have changed ! Life has moved on and you have gone through it all. Some have fared well and some have lost with changing times.

Well i am turning from  ‘Hem’ to  ‘Haw’,readily accepting change and believe that this change will lead to something better for sure.

A little more….

Hang the hungry hunger

And rid yourself of this bugger

This hunger will only make you more hungry

So enjoy what you got on your platter

Instead of chasing more out of your hunger

Its just  human nature to want more and more

But what will quench this thirst

Is but the hunger for more !

Tattooed

Thanks to Sunday Scribbling, you actually helped me make my mind up for this one. This comes in at a time when I actually was thinking of going for one! And I knew right away what I wanted imprinted on my body if I ever thought of having a tattoo….The one that would define ME. Its not that i would be any different if i didn’t have one,but i simply love the look of it ! So i might as well show-off. 

And I want this Angel or a fairy tattooed on my shoulder.

When I think of an Angel, i think of fate or destiny….The difference being i am free to choose mine and not just sit back and rely on time to take care of it…. That I have it in me to make my own destiny.

It also defines that submissive part of me that wants to break the chains binding me and fly free for once.There are many parts to this single soul of mine and if I don’t let it out I will kill large parts of me, that are hiding for reasons innumerable.That I want to be a free spirit and express my individuality…

As I grow old I want to remember the youthful times passed as I wanted it to.And to also remind me that it’s never too late for anything.And most of all I want to remember the child in me who still believes in magic !

♣Nairobi

Just Hanging on….

Living somewhere

Between

Today and Tomorrow

How do I make

Peace with my past

Without

Being hurt

Or

Get hold of the future

Without

Slipping away.

Conscious pricks deep

When it does…

Did I do what I shouldn’t?

And missed that should have been….

Drowning myself into others’ stories

To forget mine,

Getting rid of all the stupid games

I never figured how to play.

Leaning so long

Onto this broken fence,

Hanging onto ripping threads….

Free falling now on unsure grounds

With a key to the right doors

I am Ready for an ever-changing world…….

♣ Nairobi

My friend from the clouds…

Had a rainy and romantic evening back here and these times somehow make me very nostalgic…..There is nothing better than sitting gazing out of your window and watching it pour as you drift away suddenly in your own sweet surrender.It sure always happens to me…

How i stand in the grass

and gaze upon the sky

and see that sudden splendour visiting me

That wet mud fragrance,

like the heaven sent angels

greeting the mother earth,

creeps within me as i take it in

And i become one with them.

Let your silvery pearls

kiss my face

As they splash and break free

to decorate my soul.

i hear your plop plop

like a clock ticking

asking me to forget today

and go back to sweet memories

where i should have been…

yes,i wanna be free….

Come on let it rain,let it pour down

take my hand now as i reach out for u

And set me free….

As i wake up i see

the sunlight pierced rain drop

like a crystal-ball

holding all of my dreams

resting on my window pane

reminding me

The tears of joy i cried

A mad mad world !

I happened to get talking to a friend of mine who i used to work with…..And the conversation somehow reached in on how ironic the relationships can get…Well to tell u folks we hardly spoke to each other back then…And now after we are on our separate ways,we remain in constant touch with each other….and i guess i know more about the person. Geez how ironic…

Does that word “Relation” strike a cord…..Sounds familiar doesn’t it?Well the question is how many of us truly relate to it though…In an age where we have forgotten what life and feelings  is all about…”relationship” seems to be the most ironic word to use.How many of us truly make an effort to make a positive difference  or would we look back in time and be able to tell how many lives we touched while we walked on the face of this earth?

Well we all know nothing comes easy to us humans….least of all the will to live humanely…….. Its hard to be Human.We have people reach the moon but we think twice reaching out to a neighbor in trouble….We earn the pretty penny to make a happy living but have no time for the loved ones waiting for us back home.But i cannot forget what Emerson said so eloquently – ” Without the rich heart,Wealth is an ugly beggar “.

Actually when was the last time we did some random acts of kindness in effort to make someone’s day better…Well people here’s what you get out of it –the good part and the irony of  doing good  to others is that it makes you feel a lot better…( I can see u nodding your heads already cuz u getting something out of it right! yeah that’s how our minds are programmed these days) .But on a serious note one of the deepest human hungers is the need to be loved,admired and understood.And how difficult is that to give…But in the fast paced lives that we live in,we are too much in a rush to even care about these things.

With all the luxuries like internet,networking sites,fax,email,mobiles of this so called “connected” world,i feel we have never been so less connected to each other. And yes,blogs have become our best friends, you can see why….We are always on a  look out for some mental comfort from someone/anyone when your friends fail to understand you…And i am sure that if you ponder upon your life, the hardest moments are given by the most nearest and dearest ones.

Aren’t there times when we realize the worth of something only after loosing it?There are surely so many friends,but at times you think they are too cold and thoughtless that you feel all alone with them beside you….and the strange redemption that we seek in strangers.Aren’t there situations when you think twice before hugging your partner you have so long loved just because they have some scary disease…. Its sometimes better to rely on irony i believe,as it never really fails!
Its sad how we recognise a genius only after he/she dies…. How we become aware of our fortune we carry when a beggar cries for a penny….Have you ever noticed that the most friendliest of people are the ones who have nothing… And we see that the same people who commit sin speak of salvation….it seems so strange that the bad rumours about you stop and you are spoken good of only after you are long gone…Even after lighting the candle we can feel the darkness surround us….And how we feel the silence and quiet after a shattering sound.
And only at night we realize the end of the day…..

Hey its Me….
With a hundred words but without a voice.
With all the feelings, but without a face.
With innumerable readers, but no listeners.
With a secret to share, but no true friends.
With a past, but no remembrance.
Yes that’s me !

For you,With Love…

Inspired by the Americanizing Desi write up,i just couldn’t stop myself from penning this down for m.y sweetie too….

I am feeling a bit weird writing about u already sweetie,but i am going to,for when you come in my life i want you to see how lucky a man u are…..And i can already imagine you beside me long after we meet and we both reading this together and me eagerly watching your expressions!

Yes my prince charming,i am waiting for you.Well i guess its that time in your age when you are willing to let go and surrender yourself to someone completely unknown to you ….But I just hope my curiosity doesn’t get the better of me….But i must admit whoever or wherever you are  honey,everything about you already matters  to me.I know  you are somewhere out there waiting for me too.I have a picture framed in my mind of the man to be.And i am hoping he turns out to be the way i want him to be.Well,I don’t expect him to be perfect….Cuz i have always believed that a little imperfection looks cute on a person. A little madness,a little childlike,a little innocence,a little tough,a little messy,a little funny and a little of all that will make us both complete….and i love you because i can be “ME” when i am with you.

Yes i am in anticipation of who will take this journey of life together with me from here on. And you may be happy to know my dear that i have already started planning out the details….. sounds girlish…but i do think of what i will say to you on our first meeting…what i would wear to catch your attention and if my fragrance will mesmerize you…and if the way i look will sweep you off your feet…Yes ,and i have a plan to do exactly just that!

I dream of the things u will say to me…its almost insane i can already hear what you never said to me. Almost like a tickle like you were whispering something in my ears softly.
I wonder how you look…and i can see you are so handsome that i turn to have a second look at you as u pass by me and i tip over…..and you have a real manly voice ( Girls LOVE it! ).Don’t you? And you are so tall that i actually have to stand on my toes to be able to kiss you… And m sure when u hug me…u will completely cover me and i will slip away in your warm embrace…

You have such an influence on me that i take care of the way i look ,stand in front of the mirror till i am satisfied of what i see ….just in case i bump into you when m out roaming around with my friends……. And no matter what i do, i only feel beautiful when i imagine that your deep brown eyes are looking at me….saying i am so beautiful.

I can see you are such a lover boy that u drown me with flowers n chocolates everyday on your way back from work…I see myself standing on the porch waiting for you….your sight filling me with joy as you give that naughty smile.And all i want to do is to hug you and never let you go.

And I like how you wake me up from my sleep drawing those curtains apart…and i wake up looking at your sunlit face as you kiss me Good Morning!..And you make me feel like that’s the whole purpose in life…You are my completeness and you so make me feel like a woman…

Do i need write more..Now u better come and end this wait…..end this wait for my life with you.
I know this wait has made me even more eager to see you,hear you and talk to you.And for good.In that way i can spend all my love on you and make you too feel the worth of all this wait.So dear don’t you delay anymore for you have no idea how lucky you are going to get….that someone out there is so much in love with you….

Miles cannot separate us baby for if you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there?

See you soon!

Where in the world?

Here’s for Sunday Scribbling….

Looked where no other looked

Did what no other did

Saw what no other saw

Heard what no other heard

Said what no other said

Loved what no other loved

Feel what no other can feel

Faced what no other faced

Changed me in a way when no other changed

Now where in the world

is that real me ?

♣ Nairobi

Mirror : Mirror

I am : am  I?

See Who : Who See?

Am i fallen apart : apart fallen i Am

Am i True : True i am

Says Mirror : Mirror Says

See you Through : Through you See?

I Shall ask :  ask Shall I?

Me isn’t it? : It isn’t Me

If i die…..

As i lay down there…speechless

Promise me you won’t complain

About words said and unsaid…..

When my eyes no longer look into yours

Promise me you will see

that they still hold you in them…..

When i lie there all cold

Promise me you will still feel

The warmth as i held you in my arms…..

As i become all pale

Promise me that you will still smile

Recollecting all joys and sorrow we shared…

When you lay those flowers on me

Promise me you will remember me

Just as  beautiful as those roses….

When i am on that final journey

As you bid me adieu

I promise you

A bye is not forever….

♣Nairobi

All because of you

My voice beats fast,my heart shakes

blink all words, forget my eyes

i drink my dinner, eat my wine

i run up the door,i close the stairs,

i wash my clothes,i change my face

i cover in the bed,i jump with my blanket

hear my own breath,soak in it…

all because

u said that u love me…

More of you…

Your  scent mesmerizes

making me warm  already

i float in a trance

right towards you

holding you i know

you are all i want to have for now

Sweet taste of yours

melts me from within

Cant help but

have my lips close to you

Won’t let you go now

Until i get more and more

Rest assured i am

that you wont say no…

How i enjoyed

curling up

in those gloomy rains

sipping by the window side

my

Hot cup of Coffee!!

♣Nairobi

There’s just no hiding….

Your fluttering lashes

forbidding your eyes’

contact with mine

as if to blow away

the reality your eyes carry

Your words stuck midway

replaced by pauses

as if to hush away

the silence that your hearts understands

Your blank look passes

straight through a hollow me

And i know that you know

You can lie no more….

Sailing on unknown waters

What we mistake for the ocean,

i give your name…..

And the rest of my life,

is spent building our dream ship

waiting for what seems like eons

for a little journey together….

And you tell me i  am sailing

on unknown waters,

floating on your dazed stretch

oblivious to the core sinking me in…

Alas i am the echo

of my own heart breaking….

Now who has time for love,its lore?

Delight in Beauty?

Now no more!

When you came back….

This

morning

feels great,

sun rays

drown me

showing

me a path

leading

towards you

I breathe

deep in

and soak myself

My senses

suddenly

pick up

your long forgotten

scent,

Absurd….

the sun

ushered you

from my prayers…..

Covert Intentions

Camouflaged appearances

Furtive intentions

Hidden treasures

Stealthy steps

Hush-hush* sounds

Obscured rooms

Guarded closet

Buried secrets

Foxy moves

Sleepy eyes

Done with their

Covert operations !

♣Nairobi

A dream come true

I saw a dream….

In it

An angelic face

This absolute  new feeling

Making me dizzy

In my mind

And

Weak in my knees…

Slowly you walk

To tease me

And we end up in that pillow fight…

You turn to escape my cinch

I just miss you by an inch

And end up holding your ring…

I wake up with a sigh

only to find that same damn thing !!

To me you are

A dream come true….

Let Cupid Strike My Angel

And that smile dimpled her face

only to expose

that cherubic smile

seemed like luck

smiled on me in that twilight…

As you tuck that  naughty lock of hair

behind your ear

it reveals those dangling rings

teasing and caressing your cheeks

And the wind kneels down

to surrender to your aura..

Your shying eyes

with that downward gaze

tells me something

Time stands still

confusing you for the early set spring….

Blessed are the words

to be part of your lips

And the thoughts

to be part of you heart

When with those innocent eyes

you seem to talk

With Blithesome eyes the heaven looks on me…..

When all your senses

play in symphony

To watch…the universe stops

To live this moment again

with my cupid i will plot….

The Pest in me…

Here’s for Sunday Scribbling….A topic that we all live with and eats us all from within.

Riding high on my back

Driving me into unknown waters

Choked my mind and

A murky vision to guide me

Hidden behind my calmness

This worry !

♣Nairobi

And she asks a lot of Why’s…..

And she asks me
why do you
often get angry
and i say
"i simply love it when u convince me"

And she asks
why do you always
flirt around
And i say
"i like it when u get so possessive about me"
And she asks
why do u always
get so late
and i say
"i crave to see your eagerness to see me "
And she asks
why do u always
walk ahead of me
and i say
"i like the feeling when you run n hold my hand and hold me back "
Alas she asks
why do u want
to marry me
And i say
"because i want to answer more of your why's!! "

♣ Nairobi

Unhealed-By Choice

Here’s to Sunday Scribbling….Healing

I’ve conspired with time

Locked up Change in chains

I don’t want

For Change and Time to league

For they will rob me

Of that time, that love, that pain

I so want to remember.

They say time is a great healer

But I hatched up with it

And the promise was kept

He left me Unhealed…..

♣Nairobi